The Bookworm Lodge
  • Home
  • About
  • The Tour Stop
  • Featured Books
  • The Book Shelf
    • September 2020 Book Tours/Blitzes
    • August 2020 Book Tours/Blitzes
    • July 2020 Book Tours/Blitzes
    • June 2020 Book Tours/Blitzes
    • May 2020 Book Tours/Blitzes
    • April 2020 Book Tours/Blitzes
    • March 2020 Book Tours/Blitzes
    • February 2020 Book Tours/Blitzes
    • January 2020 Book Tours/Blitzes
    • 2019 Tours >
      • December 2019 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • November 2019 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • October 2019 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • September 2019 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • August 2019 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • July 2019 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • June 2019 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • May 2019 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • April 2019 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • March 2019 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • January 2019 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • February 2019 Book Blitzes/Tours
    • 2018 Tours >
      • December 2018 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • November 2018 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • October 2018 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • September 2018 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • August 2018 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • July 2018 Blog Tours/Blitzes
      • June 2018 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • May 2018 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • April 2018 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • March 2018 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • February 2018 Book Blitzes/Tours
      • January 2018 Blog Tour/Blitzes
    • 2017 Tours >
      • December 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • November 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • October 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • September 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • August 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • July 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • June 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • May 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • April 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • March 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • February 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • January 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
    • 2016 Tours >
      • December 2016 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • November 2016 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • October 2016 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • September 2016 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • August 2016 Blog Tours/Blitzes
      • July 2016 Blog Tours/Blitzes
      • June 2016 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • May 2016 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • April 2016 Book Tours/Blitzes
  • Contact
  • A Bookworm's Inner Thoughts
  • Alexandra's Author Page

The Tour Stop
​

Check out these featured authors making their way around the blog scene!
CLick here to Inquire about our Book Blog Tour program

PHIL! Release Tour     Author: RP Momsen

11/15/2016

0 Comments

 

phil-banner

PHIL! By: RP Momsen

cover3d_0-61917700-1476977511   A very funny science fiction adventure that will change the way you look at life, the universe and why we're all here. Billions of years ago, our universe was born. Not really that terribly exciting for most life forms except of course yourselves… and, well, Phil. The poor bastard who’s had to watch over all you people the last billion or so years. Well, finally after years of listening to all your griping, bitching and whining, always with some imaginary being getting all the credit, he’s finally had it! Phil has decided to explain what the world is, why you’re here and how you can evolve finally into a species worth talking about at parties. In this hilarious actual account, Phil takes two unwitting Physicists on the adventure of their lives, which isn’t saying much for a couple of physicists, and shows them what life, the universe and lovely little corner pubs really is all about. They’re transported to other dimensions to meet their better looking selves, get taken prisoner by an evil but very good looking race, fly through black holes and help the creation of a new planet all while their greatest challenge hangs in the balance, saving earth from the most evil, and best dressed, species the universe has ever seen. Will they save earth? Has all the years of hard work Phil has done creating you beings be lost? Does any of this really matter?

Goodreads

Exclusive to  Amazon 

      Author Info242919_10150272411688060_897035_o-1 R.P. Momsen was lucky enough to meet Phil in a very lovely but rather smelly pub a few years ago. After listening to the most amazing story of his life, and a half dozen pints, Rick agreed to bring Phil’s story to the world and finally get Phil a vacation. Through an arduous process over the next couple years of intense notes, grand philosophical debates, lengthy trips through multiple universes and numerous beers this masterpiece of answers was named Phil and finally released. A great friendship has been created and Rick has agreed to continue to write the real truth about everything, why it’s kind of a good thing to know and what humankind could do to be invited to the really cool parties. Author Links: Website | Twitter |Facebook | Goodreads Other FB: https://www.facebook.com/rickhunterBM  

Follow the Tour

Brought to you byWorldwind VBT

wwbadgeweb

Excerpt

Ping.

Ping.

“You gonna answer that?” Delphinia slurred. Typically an attractive female colleague, except now she had half a glass of Pan Universal Kumquat Juice down her front, and somehow an equal amount sprayed randomly throughout her hair. We were all drunk—she was winning.

“Just another idiotic human with some whiny ‘I can’t do anything for myself’ question.” “Are they still making you do that? Didn’t you create some god chat line for them to look up on their own?” asked Braithwaight, a much larger and uglier version of myself who had the unusual characteristic of having the largest nostrils in the universe. You wouldn't know them as nostrils, of course, given that their size and look is of one of your outhouses, massively uneven, bright orange and dripping with something I'd rather not discuss.

“Ya, but they seem to be using it mostly for porn and watching other humans or animals doing idiotic stuff, which is even stranger when you realize that the average human does 4.8 stupid things per week; you would think watching each other in real time would keep them amused enough,” I replied. Braithwaight was correct, after all—a number of years ago, I had instructed humans to create something called God Gab to answer all their questions and, hopefully, quit bothering me. As usual, they misunderstood, called it Google, and continued to harass me anyway.

“Slow... what dey say?” Delphinia slurred, spitting Pan Universal Kumquat Juice over both of us, which as it turned out was actually rather tasty; I decided to order one next despite it being a bit of a girly drink.

“Dear Lord.” (Dear Phil, it should have actually read.) Please give me strength in dealing with my two kids; I’m always so tired, they stay awake for hours on end, I seem to be the only one in the house able to nap, they eat all my food, hide my weed and are even messier than my 3 ex husbands. I can’t keep doing it. What should I do?”

“Signed ‘lame-ass, stoned and grumpy Mom.’ I added the last part.” I ordered my drink despite Braithwaighte’s sudden drunken episode of visualizing me in a short skirt with nice big perky ears; an odd and very unsexy effect of the alcohol.

“So, how do you answer it?” Braithwaight asked, refocusing himself.

“ I usually give some form of positive bullshit advice that they ignore, and then they continue doing exactly what they’ve been doing for years,” I replied.

“You should just sway what you twink then; who cares what they do?” Delphinia again slurred, though this time with more drooling than spitting, which was fine with me since I now had my own drink. Oddly enough, this had never occurred to me before, which just goes to show that the advice of a really drunk person should not be discounted even when slurred, spat, or dribbled. I took two large gulps of my drink, hoping to gain some more of this wisdom; my entire mind seemed to open up and swallow everything around me; my eyes fell out of my head, dropped off the table, and rolled under my now very short skirt, and then I spat the remaining mouthful onto my two companions, to which Braithwaight said ‘mmmm’ before promptly ordering one for himself.

If it had seemed like a good idea before, after two sips of Pan Universal Kumquat Juice, it became the most brilliant idea since the first crossing of the universe in a giant Easter egg with very slightly modified snowshoes and a six-pack of Grantham Planetary Beers. Without putting anymore thought into it, or in fact having any more thought left, I promptly replied to my lame ass Mom message “I would suggest refraining from drinking every night until near unconsciousness, or adoption, whichever ones easier. Signed, Phil. PS. There is no Lord—Surprise!”

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014

  • Home
  • About
  • The Tour Stop
  • Featured Books
  • The Book Shelf
    • September 2020 Book Tours/Blitzes
    • August 2020 Book Tours/Blitzes
    • July 2020 Book Tours/Blitzes
    • June 2020 Book Tours/Blitzes
    • May 2020 Book Tours/Blitzes
    • April 2020 Book Tours/Blitzes
    • March 2020 Book Tours/Blitzes
    • February 2020 Book Tours/Blitzes
    • January 2020 Book Tours/Blitzes
    • 2019 Tours >
      • December 2019 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • November 2019 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • October 2019 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • September 2019 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • August 2019 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • July 2019 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • June 2019 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • May 2019 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • April 2019 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • March 2019 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • January 2019 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • February 2019 Book Blitzes/Tours
    • 2018 Tours >
      • December 2018 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • November 2018 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • October 2018 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • September 2018 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • August 2018 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • July 2018 Blog Tours/Blitzes
      • June 2018 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • May 2018 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • April 2018 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • March 2018 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • February 2018 Book Blitzes/Tours
      • January 2018 Blog Tour/Blitzes
    • 2017 Tours >
      • December 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • November 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • October 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • September 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • August 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • July 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • June 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • May 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • April 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • March 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • February 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • January 2017 Book Tours/Blitzes
    • 2016 Tours >
      • December 2016 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • November 2016 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • October 2016 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • September 2016 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • August 2016 Blog Tours/Blitzes
      • July 2016 Blog Tours/Blitzes
      • June 2016 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • May 2016 Book Tours/Blitzes
      • April 2016 Book Tours/Blitzes
  • Contact
  • A Bookworm's Inner Thoughts
  • Alexandra's Author Page