The Tour Stop
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Who's on a virtual book tour today? John Arnold, author of GOING HOME: A COMEDY, is and is stopping off here! Please leave a comment or question for John to let him know you stopped by!
About the Book:
Title: Going Home: A Comedy
Author: John Arnold
Publisher: Independent
Pages: 128
Genre: Play (Comedy)
Going Home is a light-hearted comedy about a family vacation across the U.S. in the early 1960s. The Sacramento Bee called it "a gentle journey down memory lane...'Going Home' shows us where we belong."
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TIME: The early 1960s
PLACE: A family vacation car ride from California to Michigan
with stops in-between
CHARACTERS:
MOM
DAD
BILLY
(The following roles can be doubled or tripled)
“DINAH SHORE”
HUEY THE DUCK
MR. JOHNSON, THE MAILMAN
CACTUS JACK
CACTUS PETE
COWBOY BOB
PRINCESS MOONGLOW
MOTEL LADY
WAITRESS
SODA JERK
GRANDMA
AUNT MILLY
UNCLE FRED
COUSIN LEONARD
COUSIN CHARLENE
GREAT AUNT BEA
Act One
CHILDREN'S CHORUS (Singing) "Over the river and through the woods
To grandmother's house we go..."
"DINAH SHORE" (Singing) "See the U.S.A.
In your Chevrolet..."
CHILDREN'S CHORUS "...The horse knows the way
To carry the sleigh..."
"DINAH SHORE" "...America's the greatest land of all..."
"CHILDREN'S CHORUS "...Over the river and through the woods..."
"DINAH SHORE" "See the U.S.A. in your Chevrolet -
America's the greatest land of all!"
(She blows the audience a big kiss)
Mmmmumph!!!
(There is the sound made by an alarm clock. Then...)
(Lights up. MOM enters carrying a Styrofoam ice chest and paper bag)
MOM (Calls off) Honey! Come on!
(DAD enters, carrying three suitcases)
DAD (Calls off) Hurry up! We got to make 600 miles today!
BILLY (Enters sleepily, wearing his jeans and still wearing his
pajama top) It's still dark!
DAD Oh, my God! He's still wearing his pajamas!
MOM (Helps him out of his pajama tops and into a shirt) Only part
of them!
DAD And his shoes aren't even tied!
BILLY I'm sleepy!
MOM (Tying the shoes) He's sleepy.
DAD My God, we got 600 miles to go!
MOM (Tying the other shoe) Are you excited about seeing Grandma and
your aunts and uncles and your cousins?
BILLY (Rubs his eyes) Uh-huh.
MOM Grandma's going to be so glad to see you!
BILLY Uh-huh.
MOM ...We haven't seen her in such a long time...
DAD (Looks at his watch) I want to get to Flagstaff TONIGHT.
MOM (Very seriously) Did you go to the bathroom?
BILLY Uh-huh.
MOM Number one or number two?
BILLY (Humiliated, softly) I went.
MOM Which one, honey?
DAD For God's sake. We don't need the details. Let's go!
MOM OK. (Indicates bag and Styrofoam chest) I've baked you brownies
and cookies and there's pop in there and things for a picnic!
DAD COME ON! (Goes off with suitcases. Mutters.) Holy s---
MOM (Holds a finger to her lips: "Not in front of the boy.") Honey,
shhh! (DAD exits muttering)
BILLY I have to say goodbye to Huey.
MOM Honey, you've ALREADY said goodbye to your duck.
BILLY PLEASE?!
MOM OK, but hurry up. You know how your Dad is. He wants to "get this
show on the road". (Goes off) We'll meet you at the car. And
HURRY! (Exits)
HUEY, the duck, enters.
BILLY (Walks over and pats him on the head) Goodbye.
DUCK (Matter of factly) Goodbye. (To audience) I wish he wouldn't
pat me on the head.
BILLY The mailman is going to take of you while I'm gone. Mom and
Dad are paying him five dollars a week to change your water
and put your pellets in your dish every day. (Pets him again,
then walks away, then turns back.) Be good. (Exits)
DUCK (Shakes his "feathers") Be good yourself. God, I hate to be
petted sometimes!
BLACKOUT
The back seat of the car. MOM and DAD are in the front seat.
DAD is whistling "No Other Love". MOM is looking out the window. BILLY is
sprawled in the back seat.
MOM Mmm! Breathe that fresh air! (BILLY sticks his head out
the window. MOM pulls him back.) HONEY! Don't stick your
head out the window!
DAD Do you want to get it wacked off?!
BILLY Dogs do it.
DAD Well, you're not a dog. ...Now, sit back and settle down.
(Resumes whistling "No Other Love".)
BILLY I'm bored.
MOM (Turning around) Don't be silly. You can't be bored.
It's only been ONE hour since we left... (Turns back)
BILLY But I AM bored. And it's been FOREVER.
MOM Don't be silly. Why don't you work on one of your activity books?
BILLY I've already connected the dots. (Holds it out.) See?
MOM (Absent mindedly, looking out the window) Uh-huh.
BILLY (Turns a page) This is the Blue Fairy. (Turns a page) And this
is Gepetto.
DAD What happened to Pinocchio?
BILLY They don't have any dots to connect for him.
DAD Well, that's life. You're one top one day and the next they
don't give you any dots.
MOM Oh, they must have some dots for Pinocchio. Why don't you
you check it again?
BILLY Uh-uh! (Adamant, holds up book) You can look for yourself.
MOM OK! OK! I believe you!
About the Author
John Arnold has had have his work presented in either a reading or production at American Conservatory Theater (San Francisco) playreading series; California Playwrights Festival, Sacramento; Out and About Theater, Minneapolis; Playwrights Center, San Francisco; Sacramento Theater Company; West Coat Ensemble, Hollywood; Aloha Theater, Kainaliu, Hawaii; Moving Arts, Los Angeles; Mercury Cafe, Denver; First Stage, Los Angeles; The Theater-Studio, New York, Prince William Sound Community College, Valdez, Alaska; Theater of Western Springs, Illinois; and others. His monologue “Bit” is featured on Fourth Wall Review.com. His screenplays have been finalists in the Art Color “Digital Cinema International Film Festival, Montreal, the San Francisco Global Movie Fest and Indie Film Fest, Switzerland.
His latest play is Going Home: A Comedy.
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